First Day in Dublin: A Timetable

7:00 Awaken to sounds of friend’s roommates making three-course breakfast. Notice that noise is particularly jarring and food smells induce nausea.

7:03 Convince self that killing said roommates would not be helpful. Roll over and attempt to fall back asleep.

8:30 Awakened by alarm. Try to convince self this is only a dream; fail.

8:31 Attempt to stand up, but fall over. Speculate if dizziness/weakness could be result of last night’s shenanigans.

8:32 Decide last night was not the night to try hard cider for the first time. Further confirm that it was not the time to try it for the second and third, either.

8:35 Manage to stand up and shuffle to bathroom; shower and attempt to feel human.

9:00 Make mental list of everything that needs done (packing, catching train, saying goodbye, trying not to vomit).

9:01 Stare blankly at suitcase, then pile of clothes, then suitcase again.

9:02 Decide to go for coffee.

9:10 Experiment one: Latte. Despite possible hangover, latte is accepted by stomach with little complaint. Sigh with relief.

9:20 Experiment two: Croissant. Meet with mixed results, but continue, determined to ingest calories.

9:30 Results of croissant experiment worsen; dizziness and shaking fail to abate. Begin to suspect symptoms are not solely due to aforementioned shenanigans.

9:45 Return to apartment. Friend, who is leaving for class, confirms that symptoms could be due to nerves, not cider aftermath. Suggests a little hair of the dog.

9:46 Debate hair of dog, but realize there is no alcohol in the apartment. Begin to pack instead.

10:00 Pack

10:30 Cry

11:15 Friend returns to apartment in middle of shaking/crying/packing session. Suggests staying in Galway forever rather than going to Dublin.

11:16 Seriously consider this option; cry harder.

11:21 Calm down enough to sit on couch and talk with friend while staring at suitcase. Friend offers to help take suitcases to train station, as shaking has continued. Accept gratefully.

12:00 Head to train station, ignoring the stares of passersby who wonder what all the luggage could possibly be for.

12:05 Finagle suitcases up stairs; curse airport baggage handler who broke handle on largest suitcase.

12:10 Tearful goodbye and back-breaking hug with friend. Friend leaves; do not run after.

12:11 Attempt not to lose it completely in front of ten middle-aged Irish people, small family, and confused-looking German student.

12:26 Realize train is not boarding for another half hour and that train door is approximately eight inches off platform. Will have to lift luggage into train rather than gracefully roll.

12:27 Curse to self using best and most colorful vocabulary; resist cursing out loud and frightening middle-aged Irish people.

1:03 Train finally begins boarding. Struggle with suitcases.

1:05 Efficient Irish couple takes control of suitcases and helps lift onto train in two seconds flat. Thank them in broad American accent.

1:06 Try not to cry because the Irish are just too freaking nice. Settle into seat with large book.

2:10 Wake with start. Realize still on train and book is unopened. Nerves have shrunken bladder to approximate size of hazelnut and strange American man is staring through crack in seats.

2:15 Decide that American man is asleep, not staring, as eyes are hidden by sunglasses.

3:00 Freak out about possibilities if office is closed on arrival: sleep on street? Find hostel? Curl up in Molly Malone statue’s barrow?

3:20 Gaze falls on strange, possible Gypsy passenger making odd gestures, as if calling forth spirits from coffee cup. Quickly look away and wonder if train ride will ever end.

3:50 Train arrives in Heuston station; jump out of seat like a shot and head for luggage rack.

3:51 Hold up entire car trying to retrieve luggage. No Irish couples come to rescue; strange American man no help whatsoever.

3:54 Exit station and search desperately for a taxi. Find nice Indian driver speaks excellent English and heaves suitcases into back of cab with no problems.

4:05 Worry more about accommodations office closing. Polite driver conversation starts to turn awkward.

4:06 Driver asks if homesick. Answer, “A little!” Do not cry.

4:07 Driver asks if have family in town. Answer, “No, just me!” Do not cry.

4:08 Driver asks if parents are coming to visit. Answer, “I hope so!” Refrain from simultaneously strangling driver and bursting into gut-wrenching sobs.

4:15 Arrive at Trinity’s front gate; unload luggage in front of dozens of gawking tourists.

4:17 Wheel luggage through quad; hit cobblestones. Curse school, country, self, campus designer, and Jonathan Swift.

4:23 Find accommodations office. Pump fist in mini-triumph.

4:24 Try to lift 100 pounds of luggage into office. Struggle valiantly, but outcome is clear.

4:25 Two strapping Irish boys appear from depths of office and suggest leaving luggage outside door. Thank profusely, and wonder if all students at Trinity are attractive as well as intelligent, or if it’s just these two.

4:30 Check in with desk clerk, receive swipe card and instructions for use. Also receive directions to dorm, which immediately fly out of head.

4:35 Exit office in daze and prepare for long walk to dorm with suitcases.

4:36 Aforementioned Irish boys offer services as luggage carriers and general guides.

4:37 Realize boys are being so nice that self must look like death warmed over. Smile tiredly and thank them so effusively that both look a little startled.

4:38 Clamber into van as boys load suitcases in back. Try not to stare at bulging muscles, especially on boy number one, who climbs into driver’s seat. Try even harder not to be impressed that he can drive standard.

4:40 Boy number two suddenly remembers other pressing errand and deserts van.

4:44 Informed by boy number one that some “eejit” is blocking the road, so luggage must be walked the rest of the way to dorm. Hearing “eejit” in real life almost makes up for walk.

4:50 Discover dorm is right next to commuter rail station. Grimace and expect a great deal of noise.

4:53 Enter apartment. Discover apartment looks like cell block/men's locker room. Smile gamely at boy as he gives short tour.

4:56 Ask about laundry facilities in attempt to prolong visit. Boy leans in to show on map. Begin to wish own breath did not smell like zinc lozenges, train air, and onion chips.

4:57 Boy leaves. Stand in center of room and gaze around, lost.

4:58 Completely lose it. Stand in center of room surrounded by suitcases and weep uncontrollably.

5:05 Realize that there is no toilet paper in apartment and shopping centers might be closing. Text Dublin friend desperately trying to get directions to nearest grocery store.

5:10 Friend is actually walking to grocery store now; offers to meet you. Accept gratefully and wonder when you are going to stop being such a dependent person. Agree to meet in ten minutes.

5:11 Leave apartment. Have no idea how to get back to main gate. Begin to wander aimlessly.

6:05 Find main gate, and friend. Apologize for being such a disaster.

6:15 Arrive at grocery store. Remember why going to grocery store while already overwhelmed is a bad idea.

6:20 Stand in bread aisle and debate merits of wheat vs. brown vs. barm brack. Try to figure out what barm brack is. Fail.

6:21 Try not to cry when faced with five different frozen pizza choices.

6:25 Somehow manage to check out, despite complete lack of comprehension regarding currency denominations in new country.

6:45 Arrive back at apartment; ditch friend.

6:50 Put away groceries and make bed, weeping all the while.

7:30 Collapse into bed; pray that construction outside window does not begin too early in the morning.

And that's Dublin! Or, what it was a few days ago...look for another post later today on the joys of old books and doing laundry in a foreign country.